I'm Just A Ho Ho .... Ho

I love Christmas.  No I mean REALLY love love love to the capital L love.  Except for the occasional mishap during a Black Friday event, I totally adore the warm and fuzzy vibes everyone is giving off during the holidays.  Houses are jazzed to the hilt in an extravaganza of blinking lights and armies of inflatable Rudolph figurines descend to the smallest yard on the street.  It is pure Trashy Christmas Americana and I am their biggest fan.  You can never have too many Christmas lights and yard decoration do-dads in my opinion.  Personally I prefer to not even see a blade of grass until at least until the end of January. 

I love Christmas because it is the time of year when I am reminded of my favorite hymns and carols you unfortunately do not hear any other time of the year.  Popular radio has tainted the airwaves with Madonna singing Santa Baby every 5th song which is inexcusable.  This is crazy talk I know but how about shelving the Material Girl and give ol' Eartha Kitt some radio play?  Seriously.  Trans Siberian Orchestra will make you hallucinate if you aren't careful and if I hear Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer one more time I may just go postal.  For my funeral I would like my ashes scattered into Lake Waccamaw while Lo How a Rose e'er Blooming and For Unto Us a Child is Born is playing along with a champagne fountain bubbling on the pier.  This is to promptly be followed by a sunset beach bonfire where everyone sips on Ketel One vodka gimlets and margaritas on the rocks with extra salt while they talk about how great my ass was and my Heisman Trophy worthy flag twirling skills.  Take notes people.

Here is a snippet of our highly anticipated 6 days before the "Big C" Tree/House/Everything decorating party from last night.

• After endless days of nagging my husband finally brings in the multitude of overstuffed boxes.
• Kids mercilessly fighting over the same freaking tree branch to hang an ornament.
• Music blaring in the background offering zip in the way of "holiday cheer".
• Me yelling at everyone to stop yelling.
• Carl stepping on boxes of ornaments in an effort to block Annie from the preferred Stocking hanging spot.
• My husband looking at me from across the room no doubt wondering to himself how in the hell he got mixed up with me.
• Me shouting over the craziness that we are going to have fun by God and for everyone to stop shouting.
• Carl pouting in the corner because no one is listening to him.
• Nat King Cole failing miserably.
• My husband looking at me from across the room wondering how he managed to scoop up this crazy chick.
• Annie wailing because Baby Jesus jumped out of the Nativity and onto her toe.  On purpose.
• Charlie the Elf calmly sitting by and taking it all in for Santa.

Man, we're in trouble. 

Merry Merry Merry with a Capital M Christmas y'all!

Unto Us a Child is Born

Lo How a Rose e'er Blooming