I'm in a terrible funk and have no plans of getting myself out of it any time soon. Truth be told I am pretty wary of people who are habitually in a good mood, always wanting to spread around some cheer and happy thoughts. Keep your it could always be worse unsolicited crazy-talk and leave me in my cloud of funkness and Swiss Cakes you wackadoo. Even this morning I was perfectly happy in my mood of doom and gloom with lips in full sneer, brow wrinkled, shoulders all hunched over and pissed off at the world when this one hundred thousand million year old man opened the door for me at the gas station. He even had the nerve to smile and tell me to have a nice day! "Shove it Gramps" was only a breath away but I hadn't the nerve ... this time.
What's so great about being in a good mood anyway? You can't get away with half the crap you can during an epic "funk phase". For instance during my day off last week after I completed the drudgery of my day off duties with running errands, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, yada yada yada, I sat down on the couch and mashed ass for 3 good hours until the kids got home from school. Normally I would not allow myself to sit and stew for that amount of time without feeling terribly guilty for days afterwards but during my time of blahness it's totally encouraged. Eating an entire box of Wheat Thins in a single sitting on a happy mood day would be unacceptable but on a funk day would be forgiven. Standing in front of your closet in a full-throttle ugly tizzy while yelling at your husband that you have nothing to wear and blaming him for breathing while he stands there shell-shocked ... Good Mood Day = Graceless. Funk Day = Tolerable. Mad at the world, face in a perma-scowl, hating your job and everyone else that gets in your way is perfectly fitting during a funk phase yet severely frowned upon on a normal basis.
Sometimes I just don't want to look on the bright side of life. Instead I prefer crying and moping, ho-hum myself around town and sulk with a little rain storm cloud lingering above my head. Who wants to be upbeat and perky when you can be glum and sullen?
Besides, frown lines are sexy.
No wonder you always said I was wierd
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