Nobody likes a Show-Off

Alrighty you crazy with a capital C Mom's out there ...  Get the hellz bellz off Pinterest.  Seriously.  Close out the page and step away from your computer.  You're giving me a complex as if I don't have enough "all the other Moms are crafty" guilt.  Us ladies are supposed to look out for one another and there you are making the rest of us look bad with your quadruple layered Voodoo inspired King Cake with it's own New Orleans jazz band accompaniment for Mardi Gras.  Nobody likes a Show-Off.  It's not attractive.

I mean look ...  I'm just going to put it out there and say it to those Pinterest addicts out there.  Don't give yourself a pat on the back for your latest dryer lint / Zombie Apocalypse Halloween decorations.  You. Are. Cheating.  Yeah I said it.  Cheating.  You overachieving hounds are supposed to wait like the rest of us frazzled mothers to see what their child brings home from school and just hang it somewhere in your home for that month's holiday decorations.  That's what teachers are for!  To create all those knick-knack-brick-bracks that are doomed to hang on our fridges for eternity.  Hello?!!  Isn't that why teachers make the big bucks?  For cotton ball snowmen, Valentine envelope holders, marsh mellow Easter bunnies, construction paper Jack-o-lanterns and popsicle stick Christmas trees with glue that sticks itself to every other object in your child's book bag.  Why would you dare try to out-do these tired but true, timeless yet messy trinkets of love? 

It's understandable, you wanting to showcase the latest Martha Stewart icing piping apparatus your Great Aunt Millie sent you on the 16th day of Hanukkah but let us get real.  Surely you are up to your eyeballs with laundry, 10 day old leftover banana mush from one of the twins' lunchbox or overdue library book fines to deal with.  Is it really necessary to make individual mod podge birthday invitations for your 2 year old?  Are you in dire need of validation?  Well put down the Hobby Lobby credit card and give me your phone number.  If you pinky swear to quit being a overzealous Pinterest monster I'll call you with a daily dose of validation.  Your house is spotless, dinner is perfection, children are geniuses, husband is dreamy, you look like you just stepped out of high school, ass looks amazing, boobs are top notch.

There.  Enough validation for you?  Not stop with the hand pressed wrapping paper.  Hallmark has elves for that.