The Comeback Kid

I love my kid, but he gets on my darn nerves.  Yeah, I said it.  He always has a comeback like a rapid-fire gun.  When asking Carl to help with something around the house, I barely have the sentence completed before I am asked 100 questions.  "Will I get paid, how come I have to do it, why doesn't Annie help, why are you always picking on me, do I have to do it now"?   On and on and on.  In the past I would get frustrated and just go ahead and do the simple task by myself, but after looking thru old pictures and seeing my BK (before kids) body .... Hell To The No.  Those days are over brother.  I've been a fatty boom-ba-latty since the day I got preggers and the least those rascals can do is help their tired fat mother fold a darn towel.

As an example I asked Carl to please (yes I used please) fold 2 blankets in the TV room so we could head off to school.  I'd barely gotten the "p" out of my mouth before Carl gives me the brat face and asks if he is going to get paid.  Now, I held my composure and reminded him that I - me - Sally had made his bed, prepared his breakfast, took out his clothes and packed his lunch without getting paid, so no, there would be zero compensation for helping a girl out.  You would've thought I asked the boy to clean out the gutters by his teeth.  Feet stomping, huffing and lips curling he hits me with a 1-2 punch of questions.  It's always the "why" questions of course, and before I can even answer the first one Carl is blabbing out the 4th, 5th and 6th why this and why that.  Seriously if I didn't like my kids just a little I would drop those babies off at the Goodwill on my way to work.  I don't know what the going rate for sassy 9 and 5 year olds are these days but I'm sure they would fit nicely in the 50 cent bargain bin.

Now I will say this, the boy's got some spunk.  That spunk would be put to better use by taking 2 minutes out of his hectic 9 yr old schedule to do a little chore instead of why-ing me to death, but we can always hope his spunkiness will come in handy in some aspect of his life.  Personally I think Carl could quite possibly bring the world's troubles to an end.  Wars and conflict between countries will no longer exist, people will not steal, poachers will no longer hunt endangered species, homes will not get egged ... the list is endless.  I can picture Carl now fighting one issue at a time with a bright red W on his shirt.  No one would have the strength to be at odds with one another or break laws after they had to explain "why" they are fighting or being delinquents in 65 hundred different ways. 

Maybe I could rent Carl out to the President to help get some things moving up there on the Hill.  There is not a soul in Congress that could hold his or her own against my Carl that would "why" them until they forgot their names.   I see a national holiday in his future.