Did you know the "rapture" is coming on May 21st at 6 pm? Me neither. Somehow I missed that very important message during the past week although I am constantly online looking at the news websites and such. Hmmm, it must not have been mentioned on People.com. Here nor there, this rapture stuff is pretty important and since I am not a big reader of the Bible, I have no idea what to expect and if I should really be concerned.
On the whole the way I have lived my life is pretty respectable and I am a good person, although I do have my moments; but surely I cannot be held entirely responsible for my "freak outs". Anyone who has passed the 4th grade knows there is a cause and effect to everything that happens. A good "cause and effect" example may be the little old ladies who cause traffic jams while putting along at 15 mph that make me go nuts on a daily basis because they should not be driving period let alone during the day when the rest of us are trying to get to work before the end of next year. Oh, don't you dare gasp at my admission. They can't hear my glass shattering shrieks much less see me shaking my fists in the air; because if they could then they would see that the speed limit is 55 Miles Per Hour! If the man upstairs gives me a thumbs down because of those blue-haired turtles I'm going to be pissed.
But on a more serious note ... if the rapture is coming on the 21st does that mean I still need to pay my May bills? Should I just postpone all of my payments until the 22nd to see if I'm still around; and if I am will the customer service representatives that process the payments still be around to collect my money? Why bother with the water bill when I can take that cash and eat pizza and drink margaritas on the beach for the next two weeks? Car payments are the least of my worries now that I've got to find the perfect snazzy ensemble for the "big day" since I definitely can't meet God wearing last year's wrap dress and my favorite pair of flats from the 1990's. And since it's supposed to be around 6 pm does that require evening wear? Talk about stressful.
Hopefully it's all a miscalculation from some whack-a-do who is hoping that the rapture will come on the 21st so he will not have to pay his taxes, or visit his mother-in-law who is serving liver and beets for dinner that Saturday. In the meantime for the next two weeks I am going to start serving birthday cake for breakfast, let Annie wear her fancy dresses to play in the sand and Carl and I are going to have a dance party in our yard every night.
See you on Sunday the 22nd or on the other side. I'll be the one wearing the bright red lipstick and tiara looking damn good in the best dress my water bill can buy.
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