Unfortunately on the day I was born God decided to be a little stingy with his gifts. He gave me 10 fingers and toes, perfect eyesight, 2 ears, my health ... yada yada yada ... but he dropped the ball on a really good one. The gift of a beautiful voice. Maybe God should have talked to me about this upgrade while we were hanging out up in heaven and I had loads of time on my hands. I would consider sacrificing a little pinkie toe for an amazing voice that would put Whitney Houston (pre Bobby Brown) to shame. What good are those rascals for anyway other than getting snagged on every coffee table from here to Kalamazoo? It's just not fair. Even though I am deathly afraid of being out in public as the center of attention, I would force myself to belt out a Journey song in any random place, and I would sing all the time so that he would know how thankful I am. There would no longer be spoken words from me, everything that I wanted to say would be in the form of a song. "Let's get ready for bed and brush your teeth" would be sung to the tune of Under The Boardwalk, and the kids would finally listen to me. It would be heavenly.
Like 99% of the population that cannot sing I sometimes have a lapse in judgement and with my hearing where I really think that my voice maybe isn't so bad. (it is) This happens usually on my daily commute when I have an hour of alone time bliss, and I can sing without the eye rolling from my children. I prefer anything by Journey, Air Supply, The Pretenders, REO Speedwagon, Ronnie Milsap, Heart, Steely Dan, Suzy Bogguss and Al Green with Born To Run by "The Boss" and American Girl by Tom Petty being my all-time go to songs. I dare you to tell me that when Separate Ways by Journey plays on the radio you are not blasting that song and singing at the top of your lungs. Impossible not to. Here is where my problem begins. After a lucky morning of an incredibly awesome morning playlist I really start to think that just maybe I actually CAN sing! And, not only can I hold the tune, that I sound pretty darn fantastic! Anyone that is in the car with me or is unfortunate enough to be stuck beside me in traffic will undoubtedly agree that this is not the case. I am awful. Just painful. Years of holding my one woman rendition of Back On The Chain Gang by The Pretenders has seriously damaged my recognition of tone to the point of being totally out of tune on the simplest of little ditties. I murder Twinkle Twinkle Little Star; and I know this because just as I am considering skipping work and driving straight on to Nashville, I turn the radio volume down and my worst fears are realized. There will be zero recording contracts in my future.
All of us crazy people out there being ridiculous on the local Karaoke stage singing Aretha Franklin who can't hold a note and should not be singing in public period, are always the ones that do. Man, if I had a decent voice I would walk into the nearest McDonalds and just put on a show like no other. Can't you just imagine ordering off the Dollar Menu when all of a sudden some lady breaks bad with the National Anthem, Whitney Houston style!? How killer would that be? I totally would do that. All. The. Time. One moment I would be checking out at my local Food Lion and the next just going to town with the theme song to Annie. "Tomorrow tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're only a daaayyy aaaa wwwayyyy"! Bet me five bucks I wouldn't.
So one day when I'm reincarnated, you're children's children see me walking around in Budapest minus my pinkie toes, they better be ready for some Tom Petty cause I'll be bringing down the house.
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